So a guy walks into a hair salon...

...and comes out looking like this.

Please notice exhibit A, if you will. There is a distinct lack of beard and an overabundance of mustache.

So I walked in, asked the lady for a haircut and told her not too short, please. "不太短的." She definately didn't get it too short, as she barely touched it haha. Then I asked her to trim my beard just a little, and again just a little. "只一点一点." So she got to work on it, and my Chinese "dad" came in and told her it was no good. "不行不行." I couldn't see what was happening so I assume he made her switch to the shortest length and when she drew the first swipe along my face I saw their eyes widen and they just looked at each other. Uh oh. It was too late to go back and she finished the job, but must have liked my mustache because she decided to keep it at least for some reason.

Oh well, ~3-4 weeks tops and the good ol' beard will be back to normal :D

First day

One week later- so far

[Video Snapshots] Chinese Funeral

Chinese Snails - A Beginner's Guide

Snails. They're a lot less gross and a lot more delicious than probably most people think!

Imma school you on how snail eating works here, in case you were wondering. If you weren't wondering, IT DOESNT MATTER CAUSE HERE WE GO LOL

Step 1

Find yourself some snails. Preferably cooked by someone who knows what they're doing unless you like not living.

Step 2

Select your target.  A little floating shell island in the spicy soup is what you're looking for. A nice big fat one like this guy will do just fine.

Step 3

Slurp out the tasty spicy soup up in the shell. The louder your slurp the better.

before

after - notice the now-visible "head"

Step 4

With your trusty toothpick in hand, dig in and start pulling him out headfirst- but not all the way.

If it looks like this, you went too far.

no no no

Step 5

While still in the shell, use your toothpick or teeth to break off the "head." Don't eat the rest of the snail because it's something akin to poop, as I was told.

Step 6

You know what to do ;^)

After it's all said and done, you should have a pile of shells that looks something like mine!

If You Don't Eat All Your Rice...

...you'll get struck by lightning on your head, according to my Chinese grandpa.

       I just got back from two days in Yangzhou where we climbed a 9 floor Buddhist temple, saw a ton of monks, and I got sunburn. Also found the majority of my gifts/souvenirs today so I can check that one off the to-do list.

We played video games and watched a movie- the basketball hoops were the most popular in the arcade and had people crowding them constantly. Basketball is HUGE here. At the movies, you have to choose a seat in the theater and you get a ticket with your specific chair number. There's also a menu at the movies where you can order restaurant-style desserts, snacks, and meals while you watch the movie.

We also visited a wholesale stuffed animal place. Imagine a huge mall with 3 floors and hundreds of shops, but each shop is full of stuffed animals and stuffed animals alone. There were thousands. This kind of place people buy them for bottom-prices and resell them on websites like Amazon, etc.

 Today we're going out for "western" food (西餐) and then watching yet another movie with friends, so I'll report back on how that goes.

 Whoever's reading this, please remember to stay safe and eat all of your rice.

"Where in the world is Jordan??" - you

I've made a map using google maps that lets you see where points of interest are and interesting little stories about places around me. If you guys want to know where I am take a look!
View My home in Yizheng in a larger map

Little Friends Pt. 2 - 小朋友

Left to Right: Mike, Peter, Hanna, Elaine, me, Tanya, Suzy, Michael

For the second time I visited the cram school and upon arriving was informed they wanted me to teach some english. I went into the classroom and was greeted with an overwhelming practically shouted "HELLO" from all the kids and when I told them my name was greeted with an equally underwhelming look of confusion on everyones face about the pronunciation. All it took was the words "like Michael Jordan" for it to click with everyone haha.

I taught them the difference between  on, in, under, and near, and then quizzed each kid individually. Everyone got it~

I go into the next room and these kids are nuts. 'Nuts' in the immediately fall in love with them all kind of 'nuts'. During introductions I gave the ones who didn't have English names their very own English name and they thought it was the greatest. A little boy named Michael welcomed me and introduced himself by jumping into the middle of the room and doing what he called the "duck dance" to the roar of laughter of the class.

We played a game they called "change the chairs" where one person memorizes everyone in the room. Everyone counts to 10 in english and the person up front turns around and everyone scrambles as fast as they can to change seats. The person in front turns around and has to put everyone back in their original seats.

It was my turn to play. After turning back around, the first thing I did was put Michael into the middle of the room and put him into the "duck dance" position as if that was his proper place/seat. This effectively began the laughing/giggling fit mood of the class that wouldn't end until after I had said goodbye and left.

They thought it was hilarious when I sat among them and pretended to be one of them. When the person up front turned around I was pretending to read a book (upside down on accident) to jokingly hide my face. I looked around and all the other kids were giggling hard and doing the exact same- even  down to the upside down book. Michael (the class clown) had his book on his head like a hat.

After a few more rounds we all took pictures together and I taught them how to spell their English names. After it was over the teacher told me to come back any time and that they'd pay me if I wanted to ever teach English there~

Elaine wanted a picture with me doing Gangnam Style

Michael and I doing his famous "Duck Dance"

Little Friends Pt. 1 - 小朋友

The teachers and I

Over the past few days we've visited a "cram" school (补习班) called New Oriental Education. This kind of school is common in China apparently- parents send their kids to these schools when not in actual school so they can practice and further their studies be it math, English, or anything they need to practice.

The first day was volunteering helping with educational games for the younger kids which sounded easy enough. When the kid comes in say something in English and cross off that they've played our game and send them on their way to play it.

Yeah haha no

The door explodes with kids and all I can get out of them in the split second I saw them was "Hello!" "Hi!" and "Thank you!"as I frantically scratch off where they were to play this game. The bravest kids would ask "What's your name?" and "Where are you from?" while it was a struggle to get a "hi" out of the shyest ones. Before long the kids were literally squeezed into the room and Jack had to hold his arms out to hold them back and stop them from flooding the room.

In about an hour and a half it was all over and I got some pictures with the teachers.

First post

hi hi first post placeholder cool neat wow alright fun times ahead choo choo chugga chugga word